Mediterranean Chicken Stew with Polenta

February 13th, 2011

Just want to let you all know, that if you take a look at my September 9th post you will see that I correctly picked the Green Bay Packers to win the Super Bowl. You will also notice that I had them playing the San Diego Chargers who didn't even make the playoffs. You win some, you really lose some. Every season, I seem to forget that it's mandatory for the Steelers to be in the Super Bowl at least once in three years. I thought for sure they would struggle at the beginning of the year with Big Ben out, but alas, they would go 3-1 and Ben was back at the piano bar looking for chicks in Dallas.

I must admit, I was secretly rooting for Green Bay, even though my brother-in-law is a serious Steeler fan. We watched the Super Bowl together, and it brought back memories of when my team (NY Giants) was in the big game against the evil empire (New England Patriots). I paced, I screamed, and every call was wrong if it was against my team. I cursed the stupid kickers, I wanted Tom Brady dead, and I desperately wished I could reach into my TV and grab Belichick's hoodie and pull it over his face, suffocating him, which to be honest, might improve his press conferences. None of those demented dreams came true. However, when David Tyree caught the pigskin on his head after Eli Manning was just about sacked, I danced more than I have at any wedding, including my own. When all was said and done, the G-men won the game and I was as happy as a little girl (analogy doesn't fit, little girls don't watch football).

It proves that in life, it's the little things that can make you so happy. The Super Bowl, despite the hype, is just a game. And as I watched this past Sunday, I found that even though my team wasn't playing, I was still nervous for my bro. I got goosebumps when the teams took the field, and when the jets flew over the domed stadium (huh?, why?) But then Christina Aguilera screwed up the anthem (if I spelled her name wrong, tough shit) and I went with Alice down the rabbit hole. Uh oh, here comes a rant. . .

Commentary - Please, please for the love of all that is holy and right in this world - if you are asked to sing the National Anthem before any big game (or for that matter in your living room), harken back to your days of grade school, hand over heart, staring at the flag attached to a tiny wooden stick and sing the song the way it was written. I understand creative license and wanting to put a little flair in an old song, but when the anthem ends up being longer than the pre-game show, you can rest assured - that it is wrong. Really, really wrong. I can only imagine Francis Scott Key adorned in old glory looking down on the bleach blonde bimbo butchering his tune. He probably couldn't take it anymore and reached down and flicked her in the back of the skull. That probably explains why she screwed up the words. Yes, SCREWED UP THE WORDS! I thought you had to know that song just to live in this country. If the teams have weeks to prepare for a game where they are going to beat the living hell out of each other, that should be ample time for the genie in the bottle to get the damn words right. I would rather have Whitney Houston's coked up, lip-synching ass up there than listen to that travesty of audio again.

Speaking of travesty, what in the hell happened during the halftime show? Who was that band, and why were they dressed like they just landed on this planet? And why were they singing like they just landed on this planet? That was just plain awful. I would rather watch a one-legged man try to kick a field goal for $1 million (sponsored by G), than watch that astro spectacle called a "show." Then to top it all off, Slash from GnR (my number one hair band) comes out from the bottom of the stage and plays "Sweet Child o' Mine" while Fergie butchers it. Meanwhile, all around the stage there are dancers in giant flourescent rubbers waving back and forth like acid ravers at an Oakenfold show. I could not avert my eyes, it was like a train wreck with people still on fire, a beheaded conductor, and Denzel Washington screaming, "There's nothing to see here, nothing to see. Please move along!" The Grammys are on tonight, I am not watching them. But I will make some predictions - Aguilera (once again, don't care) will win for doing the most musicals nobody watched. The Black Eyed Peas will win for best concert of the year that didn't have any music whatsoever, and Jethro Tull will still be in the hard rock category.

Whoa, what happened. I seemed to have black eye pead out. Anyway, it's the little things that make us so happy, but its the smaller than little things that can really piss you off.

With the Super Bowl and the football season over for who knows how long (if they lock out, I'm going to have an aneurysm) I got back into the kitchen with a couple of recipes that I wanted to be challenging, but fun. One of the those side dishes I have never tried (and was scared to quite honestly) was polenta. I could have taken the easy route and bought the pre-packaged tube and just heated it up in some olive oil. I decided, however, to take a chance on burning down my house by buying the real deal, and following a recipe I found in "Great Food Fast Cookbook." It shows an "easy" way to make polenta without wallpapering the house with it. It turned out pretty good, but not without some nervous moments.

Here are the ingredients for both:

Mediterranean Chicken Stew

1.5 lbs of boneless chicken cut into 3/4 inch cubes

3 tsp of olive oil or extra virgin, whichever

4 cloves of garlic, minced

1 can 15.5 oz chick peas

4 plum tomatoes

2 tbs of kalamata olives, pitted and chopped

1 tsp of white wine vinegar

.25 cup of chopped parsley

Break out the chicken and season it with some salt and pepper. Heat 2 tbs of olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat and add the chicken. You are going to cook the chicken pieces for about 3-4 minutes, then put them on a plate. They don't need to be done all the way, we are going to stick them back in the heat later. Reduce the heat on the pan you just used and add the last tsp of olive oil - add garlic and cook for 30 seconds or until you smell it. Add the chickpeas (make sure you drained them of liquid and rinsed them off) and 1 cup of water. You are going to bring this to a boil and let the peas cook until you see the liquid you just threw in reduced by about half - this should take about 2-4 minutes.

Although this is called a stew, I made sure most of the liquid was gone, since you are about to add tomatoes. So throw them in and cook for about 3-4 minutes, you will notice the tomatoes begin to fall apart. Now add the olives, vinegar and the waiting chicken along with any juices the chicken left on the plate and toss until it all comes together. Take a piece of chicken out and cut into it if you are as nervous as I am about undercooked chicken. It also never hurts to try the food before you serve it. Top this with the fresh cut parsley. This concoction will be served over polenta, here are the ingredient.

Polenta

Salt and pepper for taste

.75 cup of yellow cornmeal - it's pretty cheap since it only can be purchased in those flour sized bags.

.25 cup of grated cheese - I'm talking Parmesan or asiago, that goes the best with above dish, but if you have some finely grated cheddar, that wouldn't be too bad.

1 tbs of butter

OK, polenta is very much like risotto, it takes a bit of time and patience. It is not one of those dishes you can set to boil and take off. You are going to want to time this with your other dish too. When the polenta is ready to serve, the stew goes right on top.

In a large saucepan (make sure it is large, cornmeal will expand quickly when put in the boiling water. Mine was too small, and I had to take it off the heat before it covered the kitchen.) boil 4 cups of water with 1.5 tsp of salt and 1/8 tsp of pepper over high heat (yes, high). Very slowly, add the cornmeal and whisk like a crazy person. Don't add all of the cornmeal at once, work each batch in the pan until smooth, then add more. It solidifies quickly and if you don't want a giant block of lumpy meal, you have to go slow. Once it is all in, reduce heat to low and whisk constantly for about 10-15 minutes until it is smooth. Taste, season, taste again. Once done to your satisfaction, take it off the heat and add the butter and cheese. Serve in a plate, top with the chicken, and you are ready for some grub.

Got some more recipes coming soon - Pastitsio (its meat and cheese and cinnamon), shrimp with green sauce and coriander carrots. For Valentine's Day I am making mussels with a wine sauce and crunchy fresh bread.

Comfort Food? Tuna Noodle Casserole

January 30th, 2011

Why did I put a question mark next to comfort food? Well, comfort is what you make of it, and sometimes, comfort can be disgusting.

Before I started cooking, I would take whatever snack combination I could find and call that dinner. Don't get me wrong, my wife used to cook for me on a regular basis, and her food is delicious. But being a member of the retail establishment called college textbooks, it sometimes makes it hard for her to come home and prepare an Ecuadorian delight without us eating at 11 pm. So, before I made the decision to seize spatula and pan, I used to come up with some snacks that were not part of the dietary general. These little food bombs are still part of my diet, but on a much, much more limited basis. I thought I would share with you some of the food, I used to partake in 1. not knowing how bad it was and, 2. knowing full well, but not caring.

Peanut Butter and Mayonnaise Out of the Jar - Chocolate be damned. I say take that spoon and delve it into a jar of PB and then dip that peanut laden utensil into a vessel of creamy cholesterol (you will find, that mayo is my Achilles heel, and I use it like some use duct tape). Now, my mom was not much of a cook. Waiting for her to come home after work and cook me meals was not something I could do without a snack in between, especially after football practice. So, PB is good, mayo is good, therefore I started experimenting - beautiful. I did cut this out of my routine, but every once in awhile, my dog wants a little peanut butter, therefore . . .

Taco Bell - It was as sure as rain in the summer - a night of drinking and a trip to my favorite faux Mexican food establishment, Taco Hell. My preferred late night binge was a bean burrito with sour cream, and as many crunchy tacos as my colon could handle (which back then, was quite a bit). We didn't have any combo lunches pitched by Charles Barkley, or anything with spicy Frito's in it. We just went with the South of the Border basics - cheese, grade D meat, lettuce, beans from a can and a little dollop of dairy. The drive-thru peddler would offer me mild or spicy - and I would say both, because I'd like to think myself a man of variety.

French Fries and (once again) Mayo - It may have seemed weird for John Travolta in "Pulp Fiction," and I really had no idea that this was a "french" thing. I could have told any culture that sticking a hot fried potato stick in a creamy bowl of mayo goodness was right as rain. The thing is, it's versatile as well as delicious. Want a little sweetness? Take some Heinz ketchup and mix. How about a little spice? Grab the spicy mustard and give it a swirl. Put all three in a ramekin and blow your mind. I have cut this out of my diet, but every once in awhile, I get the urge to order the side of mayo with my deli sandwich and wrinkle cut salty fries.

Subway Tuna Sub - Tuna fish seems healthy, it's fish for crying out loud. However, this particular sub is probably one of the worst fast food items on the market - but boy is it delicious. I'm pretty sure this poor tuna was hacked and minced, drowned in mayo, pureed for no reason and seasoned with spices not approved by the FDA. Whatever they do to this poor fish, it's delicious, and since at Subway you can add anything you want to your future heart murmur, I say more mayo.

Cheetos with Sour Cream - Right next to mayo in the evil condiment department is sour cream. If for some odd reason I am out of mayo, I can rest easy knowing there is some sour cream in the dairy bin. Cheetos are awesome, because they leave that "cheese" stain in the sour cream tub which makes future Mexican meals seasoned with the dairy. I also like those lime Tostitos, they go good in there as well. I don't eat Cheetos anymore, I have read to many top 10 snack foods that can kill you articles and Cheetos seems to win every year, like Meryl Streep.

So with all this being said, I decided to make something comforting. A dish I loved as a kid and found in a One Pan Recipe Magazine done by Better Homes and Gardens. This mag is chock full of recipes for one sized pan, a 13 by 9 square pan that is perfect for lasagna, casseroles, etc. So here are the ingredients for this cold evening delight.

Tuna Noodles Casserole

4 Cups of wide Noodles

.25 cup of butter

1 medium onion - chopped

2 stalks of celery - about 1 cup chopped

.25 cup of flour

3 tbs of "pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" or Dijon mustard

.5 tsp of black pepper and salt

3 cups of milk - I used 2%, trying to watch my girlish figure.

2 12 oz cans of tuna - drained of water

2 Roma tomatoes chopped - I cut out the gooey part of the tomato with the seeds.

Topping of choice - the recipes called for crushed potato chips, I went with Panko.

Turn the oven on to 375 degrees and get that puppy going. You also want to take the pre-mentioned pan and Pam it so the tuna goodness doesn't stick. Cook the pasta, drain, then return it to the pan you cooked it in.

Now lets make the sauce. In a large saucepan melt the butter over medium heat. You are going to sweat the onions and celery until they are soft. Remember, they are going to cook in the oven for a bit, so don't overcook them. If you are using white onion, you can tell they are about done when they start to become translucent, or in layman's terms, clearish. Dump the flour, Poupon, pepper and salt in there, then stir in the milk until it becomes thick. This will happen when it begins to boil. You want to use a whisk here to get those lumps out, we aren't making dumplings. Once the sauce reaches desired thickness, pour it into the pot with the noodles, add the tuna and tomatoes. Stir up nice and even and pour the whole kit and caboodle in the pre-greased pan. Top the entire thing with Panko and slap that Sorry Charlie goodness in the oven for 20 minutes. Take it out, let it cool, eat the damn thing.

Serve with a nice salad or veggie of choice. This dish makes great leftover, and you can take some sour cream and Cheetos and . . .naw, don't do that.

Inedible Ferg Food and an Easy Pork Tenderloin Recipe

January 25, 2011

I can honestly say, that there are not many foods out there that I won't try. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all Anthony Zimmern on your ass and start picking up random insects off the ground and create a simple, yet spicy marinade - yet if you put something in front of me that should be edible, I will most likely give it a shot. There are two food products, however, that I will not touch . . . ever. There is a story behind one, and the other I think is just gross.

Mushrooms - I have tried mushrooms about a thousand different ways, give or take about 980. I have eaten them on pizza, fried, marinated, sauteed, steamed, on salad - no. I have tried Shitake, button, sliced thin, sliced thick, made into Disney characters, from a cow field - no (except the last one made me feel pretty funky). No matter what I have tried, I cannot get into the mushroom. There are people out there that think I am nuts. They say that this spore-bearing fruiting body of a fungus is something to be savored. I say, it's a fungus that smells and tastes like its scientific moniker - Agaricus Bisporus - yummy. I know that mushrooms are full of great vitamins, minerals, etc, but I am willing to forgo those healthy nuggets in order to avoid sticking this poo-enhanced gritty plague of a food product in my mouth. This does pose a slight problem at home. My wife loves them, and me being the chef of the household, I refuse to allow them to touch my cutlery. If you have noticed, there has not been a single recipe that involves the shroom, and much to the chagrin of my wife, there won't be. I just can't take the smell.

Speaking of smells . . .

Liver and Onions - I do like onions, in fact, I am a huge fan. But there is not a top chef in the world that will convince me that liver is the perfect complement. My mom was a huge fan of chicken liver. We used to go to the Grand Union down the street and I would watch my mom peruse over the selection of internal chicken organs like she was picking the perfect melon. All I could see was round, gooey intestinal pieces of "food" that should have been buried with the rest of the chicken. Sometimes, the Chinese-like Tupperware would leak blood all over my Capri Sun's - nothing like a little fruit punch cocktail Nosferatu would dig.

The worst was when she cooked them, and she made these little blood bombs the same way every time. She would take the livers and place them in a Pyrex. Then, she would cover them with lemon pepper and onions and bake them for what seemed like days. I also think she used to put little dabs of butter in there, so they wouldn't "lose any moisture." I say that since they were immersed in the blood of a once clucking bird that any more moisture might make this vile dish a soup. Anyway, this smell would permeate the house, much like a steaming turd might if it sat on your dining room table. It got to the point where I would hole myself up in my room and huff Lysol, just to keep the liver smell from burning my nose hair. I said at the beginning of this post, that I would try just about anything. I was even given the parental handbook statement of "You can't knock it, if you don't try it," which is the equivalent of "I double dog dare you." I did, I can knock it. The liver tasted like lemony chalk, with a hint of undercooked crunchy onion. After brushing my teeth for about an hour, give or take, I went back to huffing my Lysol.

Of course, my wife likes liver too. She even tried to get me to taste pate for the first time. She told me that this way really fine pate, and that I should like it. As I spread the pasty whitish, brownish substance over a piece of bread, my mind flash backed to the smell that used to take over my olfactory factory (I used to hire alley cats to come piss in my house just to change the smell, it's not hard, the liver smell kind of just brought them in). I bit, I chewed, I smiled, I gagged. Unfortunately for me, there was nary a Lysol can on the buffet table. RIP, liver.

Now for some edible food. I took a page out of a Cooking Light magazine and went for one of their 20 minute cooking recipes. I immediately do not believe any mag, book, TV cook, that says things are SO easy, and take the time they allot. For one, these food gurus can cut, chop, mince, and slice without even looking at the cutting board. They "eyeball" everything, and always get the spices just right, or so we think. We never get to taste the final product, so for all we know, each dish could be a salty mess. I measure everything to the T, and make sure I have the correct amount of each ingredient. Sure, I play around with spices, may throw a little more or less, but overall, I am pretty anal about what goes into a dish. But I digress. This meal does not take too long, and is pretty good for you.

Ingredients:

1 pound of pork tenderloin - make sure you do not get one that is pre-marinated. I got a Hormel plain tenderloin that was exactly one pound. Although Publix did have some nice tenderloins on sale, most of them were 3-4 pounds which would have left me eating pork till next Xmas.

.5 tsp of kosher salt

.5 tsp ground pepper

1 TBS of extra virgin olive oil

1.5 tsp of fresh rosemary, chopped

2 TBS of capers - The recipe called for 4 anchovy fillets, mashed. I said no, and went with something salty, but not fishy.

3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced - see "Goodfellas" for slicing techniques.

1 red bell pepper cut into 1 inch strips

1 yellow bell pepper, ditto

2 tsp of balsamic vinegar.

Take the pork tenderloin and cut it into 1-inch thick rounds and sprinkle each side with a little bit of salt and pepper. Heat a good sized skillet over medium-high heat and then add the oil coating the pan all over. Place the pork in there and cook for 5 minutes, don't move it around, just let it cook. When the timer dings, reduce the heat to medium and flip the pork over. Add only 1 tsp or so of rosemary, capers, garlic and bell peppers and cook for 7 more minutes. Don't move it all around to mix, that will come later, just make sure the peppers are on the heat source and not on top of the pork. When the pork is done (take a piece out, cut it in half, taste it. Is it good? Done), drizzle the vinegar on top, now mix away. For appearances sake, throw the rest of the fresh rosemary on top. It is a really nice dish that makes for some great leftovers. A couple of flour tortillas heated up in the toaster oven, the leftover pork cut into smaller pieces with the pepper (you could saute some onions), beautiful.

On a side note, I spent this past weekend with some special friends. There is a little boy by the name of Jake that has to spend some time in the hospital this week. He is a vibrant, special child that I have the pleasure and privilege of knowing. I can't wait to see him catch a duckish pass from his crusty old uncle Ferg.

Peace

Top 5 Hair, finally and Chicken Balti

January 15, 2011 I could say that I have spent the last couple of months doing excessive research on hair metal popology in order to finish my top 10 hair metal list. I could also tell you that I lost 8 fingers in a tragic food processor accident leading me to go into a deep depression that only alcohol could fix. That was until I was brought back from the depths by Carl Weathers who put me through extensive finger training while Survivor played in the background. I played finger drums, I pounded chicken thighs in a really cold freezer at Applebee's and finally I ran up thousands of stairs outside of a library on my hands with hundreds of admiring followers cheering me on. Of course, both of these would be true. So now that I am healed and sufficiently educated, here is the rest of my top 10 hair metal favorites. That is, if there is anyone still out there. 5. Whitesnake Let's face it, in the 80s David Coverdale was a bad ass, although he looked as if he was 50 years old. "In the Still of the Night" is still a pretty catchy tune complete with a Yo Yo Ma like violin solo (those of you who are Yo Yo fans, I'm sorry). You couldn't really go wrong if you had Tawny Kitean dancing around half naked on your Porche or draped all over you while you are driving 100 mph through the Lincoln Tunnel. Granted, she went loco and ended up on a VH1 reality show (much like most of these bands), but damn she looked good (Bachelor Party, remember?). "Here I Go Again" actually has a little bit of musical trivia associated with it (thanks wikipedia, I couldn't have made this stuff up). The original stanza for the chorus was to go like this. . "An' here I go again on my own Goin' down the only road I've ever known Like a hobo I was born to walk alone" David changed the lyrics to replace hobo with drifter because he didn't want people to think he was saying homo. Tee hee. 4. Skid Row Around the time that this band hit it big, pop metal was all over the charts. Most of the music coming from the hair metal scene was in ballad form, or was so top 40 that you couldn't tell whether there was any guitar in it or not. Skid Row was a nice surprise in that they actually rocked pretty hard. Sebastian Bach was the pretty boy lead with the distinctive voice that told the youth to go wild. "18 and life" and "I Remember You" were their biggest hits. Boss screamin' in my ear about who I'm supposed to be Getcha a 3-piece Wall Street smile and son you'll look just like me I said "Hey man, there's something that you oughta know. I tell ya Park Avenue leads to Skid Row." I tell ya, Skid Row leads to VH1. Older gentleman gone wild. 3. Poison I have to tell you, when I brought "Look What the Cat Dragged In" home, my mother almost lost her shit. Here were four dudes who looked like they got beaten up by your local Avon representative. But I must admit (and they are number 3) they were highly entertaining, and catchy to say the least. Sure, C.C. was a mess, Bobby Doll was equally hammered and Brett is well, Brett. But isn't that what made hair metal what it is today . . . obsolete. "Nothing But a Good Time" and "Talk Dirty to Me," put them on the map, and they went on to make such classics as "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" and "Unskinny Pop." Win big, Mama's fallen angel Lose big, livin' out her lies Wants it all, Mama's fallen angel Lose it all, rollin' the dice of her life Oprah couldn't have said it any better. 2. Motley Crue The Crue was by far my favorite until number one stole my heart (Debbie Gibson). I remember when I bought "Shout at the Devil" and the clerk looked at me wondering if she should or shouldn't sell an impressionable young man an album with a pentagram on it. I convinced her that I was indeed a card carrying member of the faux Satan fan club, and she was like "OK." So, I was able to bring this album home, crawl into my man cave and pretend to sacrifice small animals (easy Peta, there is nothing wrong with ripping apart some stuffed animals in the name of rock and roll). "Looks That Kill" was a good song from their second album, and "Home Sweet Home," was a good lighter striking ballad. But "Girls, Girls, Girls" and "Dr. Feelgood" was when the band really hit their stride. If by stride I mean, taking better drugs, then stride away. The Dr. really inspired Crue to rock, and almost took some member of the band to the great beyond. All, all around the world Girls will be girls It's the same ol', same ol' situation It's the same ol', same ol' ball and chain I say no no no No no no Introduced me to her lover In a cellophane dress Then they bid me a sweet fairwell Last time I saw them They were kissing so softly To the sound of wedding bells I remember the last time I wore a cellophane suit. Frankly, it was uncomfortable and embarrassing. 1. Guns and Roses As soon as Appetite came out I was hooked. In fact, this album seemed to be loved by most in my very clique-driven high school. "Welcome to the Jungle" was a very appropriate anthem for those on their way to another brutal day of high school hell. Every song on this album rocked, and I thought Slash was king shit. It actually was pretty painful to watch this band crash and burn like they did. Watching Axl in dreads come out and attempt to sing on the MTV music awards in the hopes of reviving GnR without its core was heart-breaking. They were on top of the world, and egos and Jack Daniels wouldn't let them continue on. I'm sure Axl is still trying to reunite this group, but let's face it, Axl's voice is shot, and frankly, nobody cares anymore. They really tried to push button with "Lies" but those buttons were unpushed, broken and forgotten as soon as the "Spaghetti Incident" hit the shelves. Not only is the title lame, but the music was an embarrassment to the genius they put out earlier in their career. Yes, I said it, genius. "Paradise City" remains one of my favorite songs of all time, and "Sweet Child of Mine" got me laid. So there you go, GnR rocked. Well I'm a west coast struttin' One bad mother Got a rattlesnake suitcase Under my arm Said I'm a mean machine Been drinkin' gasoline An honey you can make my motor hum I got one chance left In a nine live cat I got a dog eat dog sly smile I got a Molotov cocktail with a match to go I smoke my cigarette with style An I can tell you honey You can make my money tonight Let me translate from the vivid images put forth by "Nightrain." He lives in California and walks funny. He thinks he is bad and he stole someones very expensive suitcase. He's mean, he drinks gas (which is a more expensive habit than cocaine), but apparently it gets him going. He has died eight times, but is still smiling. He is ready to light something on fire, and he is a jaunty smoker. His hookers will do well this evening. Put that all together and you have utter nonsense. But it rocked, so we forgive thee, and so does Mr. Brownstone. In these past weeks I have donned the apron (and only the apron) to put together some recipes. So for those who think the tragic food processor accident has deterred me from cooking, here is an Indian dish that will make Vince Neal feel good (see how I did that, I put Vince with the name . . .oh never mind.) Sweet and Sour Balti Chicken: Ingredients por favor . . . 3 TBS of tomato paste 2 TBS of greek yogurt 1.5 tsp of garam marsala (spice) 1 tsp of chili powder 1 tsp of crushed garlic, but a little more doesn't hurt 2 tsp of mango chutney (you can make your own) 1 tsp of sale .05 tsp of sugar 4 TBS of corn oil 1.5 lbs of boneless chicken, cubed 2 jalapenos, diced 2 TBS of cilantro, chopped 2 TBS of light cream Take the puree, yogurt, garam marsala, chili powder, garlic, chutney, salt and sugar and mix together in an appropriately sized bowl. You will cook this mixture in the corn oil once it is heated over medium heat. Bring it to a boil and cook for about 2 minutes, just watch it. Add the chicken and coat those pieces with the mixture, then add 2/3 cup of water to it to loosen up the sauce. Cook this for 5-7 minutes or until the chicken is cooked though, you should be able to tell. Now add the jalapenos, cilantro, and cream and let that bubble for another 2 minutes. Make some cous cous or rice and top with chicken Balti. It should have a nice reddish color to and of course, the chicken better be done. Enjoy. Hope to most more frequently, so for those on the edge of their seats for my posts, you might want to get another hobby. Wink, nod, wink.

Hair Metal, Shrimp with Greek Style Green Beans

November 15th Just to give you an injury update - the foot is resting comfortably. The well-traveled (and an excellent photographer I might add) appendage would like to thank you for your support. The foot is even featured on facebook for a contest as one of the more gruesome derby injuries. Go to derby hurts and say you like it, it would mean the world to it. Recently, I read a great book from one of my favorite pop culture writers Chuck Klosterman. If you have never heard of him, please put down the remote and give some of his stuff a read. He writes about things that seem to be right up my alley, goofy shit. I just finished "Fargo Rock City," a collection of chapters emphasizing the importance of hair metal to Chuck growing up in North Dakota. I too was immersed in the hair metal scene growing up, I wore the ripped denim, black concert t-shirts and had hair the Allman Brothers would have envied. I went to such concerts as Poison with Lita Ford and Trixter opening up. I saw the White tour which had White Lion, Whitesnake and Great White. Ozzfest - of course. Now that I have stated this - it seems I have probably fallen a couple more pegs on the cool meter, which leaves me about 3 pegs short of hell. One of the chapters in the book lists his favorite glam metal albums and how much he would have to be paid in order to sell them off. I decided that I would also like to do this, but just list my top 10 favorite hair metal artists, I will do the bottom 5 in this post (if I give you all 10, you might not want to cook afterwards). Before I start, I just want to state that my musical tastes have changed. When grunge came along, I followed and became a huge Pearl Jam fan, and still am. I also still dig The Police, Nine Inch Nails, Weezer, Peter Gabriel (not his new album, however) and Foo Fighters. I'm not saying this to climb out of the depths of pegdom, which I can't after admitting I paid cash money to see Trixter. 10. Def Leppard - I was actually a fan of their early stuff - Rock of Ages and Foolin' were pretty decent songs. "Pyromania" and "High N Dry" were good rock albums. Although "Hysteria" was a huge success, that was when I started to tune out. Pour some Sugar on Me has to be one of the more annoying songs ever created. For one, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Listen! red light, yellow light, green-a-light go! Crazy little woman in a one man show Mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up Brilliant. What is a crazy little woman in a one man show? Who invited this woman and why does she want to go to a one man show? Maybe it's because she is crazy. I guess when you are a mirror queen and mannequin you can go to any show you want. I especially like the traffic light beginning to the stanza - green-a-light, once again, brilliant. I do give Def Leppard some credit for sticking with Rick Allen, their one-armed drummer. Most bands would have folded, or said "Sorry Rick, but you are a drummer, and now you only have one arm. You may go" Seems reasonable. But they forged ahead and sold some records even though most of what they did fell into the realm of awful pop rock. I still appreciate their early stuff and I have the Union Jack T-shirt to prove it, I think I clean cat pee stains with it. 9. Cinderella - These rockers from Philly did some fun songs with their first two albums, "Night Songs" and "Long Cold Winter." Yes, Tom Keifer can sound like a cat with its tail caught in a sliding glass door, but the music was still fun to listen to. Shake Me and Nobody's Fool were the hits on "Night Songs" and Gypsy Road and Coming Home made "Long Cold Winter" a hit. Sometimes I feel so old Got my lights burnin' bright But I'm lookin' pretty sold Sometimes I feel so cold So cold, let's go It is obvious that Cinderella like to rhyme. These are the lyrics you put together with a bottle of Jack and a Scrabble set - although the band may not get many points for sold and cold. I am going to translate for you what this stanza from Gypsy Road really means. I feel old, but I'm not dead, although I should be, is it cold in here? I need to leave. Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it. 8. Great White - This band tried to instill a little blues in their hairness. Worked for some songs, but eventually they ended up the way of most metal bands in the 80s, selling out to ballads and pop charts nonsense (although it can be said that everything they did was like that). "Once Bitten" had some really cool tunes on it with Rock Me and Save Your Love, but "Twice Shy" was a pop nightmare, and I think the song Once Bitten, Twice Shy can be put up there with that Sugar song I mentioned earlier. Woman you're a mess gonna die in your sleep There's blood on my amp and my Les Paul's beat Can't keep you home you're messin' around My best friend told me you're the best lick in town Well, Jack Russell (lead singer) instead of singing to this woman, you need to take her to a hospital. For God's sake, there is blood everywhere, yet all you can think about is how well she licks. My my my, you are one lousy friend. 7. Scorpions - This German collective actually rocked pretty hard. Rock You Like a Hurricane is a song I still like to pop in the old cd player every once in awhile. The video to this song has that Thunderdome feel to it, as the band rocks in a flimsy cage while wild eyed German kids try to break in. I also remember Winds of Change being their power ballad. I have always wondered what lead singer Klaus Meine says in hurricane, it sounds like it's in German, so I looked it up. Here I am, rock you like a hurricane. Abbla bladda beda yaugghhh. Thank god for wikipedia. 6. Bon Jovi - My favorite song of theirs is Wanted Dead or Alive, a pretty well-written song that has been overplayed since the beginning. What's funny is now I hear that song on classic radio stations (insert old age joke here). I was in New Jersey when the album with the same name was released. I remember all of the t-top Irocs with the Jersey hairsprayed do's flying out the top. Each car would pass, playing Bad Medicine, because bad medicine was what they needed. Good medicine would have made for better follicle decisions. "Slippery When Wet" was a good album, it rocked sometimes and other times it wanted to make me beat up Jon. The songs on the album remind me of good times on the Jersey shore, pre-Snookie. Bon Jovi videos always featured a happy Jon, who smiled all the time. In fact, the entire band smiled way too much. I know they were making millions, and getting laid every six seconds, but jeez man, I'm tired of seeing your molars. Maybe I was just jealous. An angel's smile is what you sell You promise me heaven then put me through hell Chains of love got a hold on me When passion's a prison you can't break free. You Give Love a Bad Name was obviously Jovi's biggest hit, and is essentially about a slut, who seems to be ruining the good reputation of love. I have never been in a passion prison, but I believe they have them in Amsterdam, complete with chains of love. I know after reading this, you cannot wait for the rest. Actually, some of you might be screaming at your screen right now saying, "WHERE'S WINGER?!" Well, Kip didn't make the cut. You see, she was only 17, and that my friends is illegal. OK, if you still have an appetite, here is your shopping list: Shrimp with Capers, Garlic, and Rice 2 tsp olive oil 2 tbs fresh thyme, chopped 2 tbs of drained capers 3 garlic cloves, minced 1.5 lbs of large shrimp, free of veins and shells juice from half a lemon, or full if you have scurvy Make some rice - about 2 cups for two people. Grab yourself a big sauce pan and heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the capers, thyme and garlic and cook that for about a minute. Toss in the shrimp and the lemon juice and cook for 4 minutes. Shrimp cooks really fast, and can overcook in an instant. So make sure you keep moving them around. No more pink, your ready to get your shrimp on. Greek Style Green Beans 1 package of 12-oz green beans you can nuke .25 cup of sliced shallots .25 cup of crumbled feta cheese 2 Tbs of lemon juice 1 tbs of olive oil some cracked black pepper Microwave those green beans according to the directions on the package. Have a ice bath waiting for them to stop the cooking process. Stick the beans in there, then drain. Add the rest of the ingredients, then toss. This side tastes better cold. As you can tell, these recipes were very simple. They came from "Cooking Light Fresh Food Fast Weeknight Meals" cookbook that is essential when I work late. Makes quick meals, and not too many ingredients. I plan on doing a lamb with roasted eggplant recipe soon. Plus, I will reveal the final 5 hair metal bands - I know, the anticipation is just killing you, or is it the hair metal? I leave you with these wise words from the band Poison. . . You look at me so funny Love bite got you acting oh so strange She's got too many bees in honey Am I just another world peeling in ah? Check out Pure, unskinny brilliance.

Chili Party, Slow-Cooked Mac and Cheese

November 12th Well, it's been a long week. Not so much for me, but for my poor derby wife who had surgery on her broken fibula. She is doing fine and thanks for all who have written, called, texted and facebooked her all week. Right now she is munching on some queso and floating with a little percocet (sp?). Sounds like the American dream to me, well, maybe the Mexican dream, but you might end up getting shot at the border. No offense to the great country of Mexico of which I have visited a couple of times. It is a beautiful country with great food and wonderful people. It is a shame they are going such turmoil. Let me recap some of the things I have done since I last posted. First off, I would like to apologize to those who follow this. I have not been cooking as much due to work, fibulas, etc. But now that my wife does not have derby four nights a week, she will have to be subjected to some culinary experiments, of which I should be able to share on a more regular basis. I did find on one of my days off some time to throw together a macaroni and cheese slow cook recipe. I will share this gem in a bit, it is tasty and absolutely rotten for you, but I needed a little comfort food - so I hunkered down and took the cholesterol like a man. I voted - I even got that little sticker to prove it. Now I am not a political pundit, and frankly, if you wanted to sit and chat with me about the state of affairs, about halfway through you would get up and leave (if you lasted that long). What I do know is that the tea party apparently took over. Every time I hear "tea party" my imagination takes me to colonial times complete with three-tipped hats and white stockings. I picture these people in powdered wigs and muskets storming the White House and declaring that from now on, things are going to change. We talk about change alot every election and the only thing that does change are the representatives who do nothing. Change is the buzzword on the campaign trail, but apparently the use of that word is relegated to their individual pay increases and addresses. We can't complain, we vote them in, but what choice do we have. Election time is a painful time for everyone. We want to make a difference, and when we turn in that sheet, we think we are being good citizens and participating in what made this country great in the first place. It's what we have to deal with prior to this moment that drives us absolutely crazy. Political advertising, especially locally, is ridiculous. Not once did I see an ad that showed the candidate express what they wanted to do to make things right. Sure, I heard how such and such candidate was a crook, or how they hated old people, or how they liked to kick three-legged puppies. But not once did I see an ad with a candidate explaining what THEY were going to do for our state, county, etc. I was always receiving information on who I shouldn't vote for, not why I should vote for someone. And another thing, who are these people holding the signs and waving at me all day. Who are you? Do you really think that because you have a sign with a name on it, that I am going to vote differently. DO something that matters. Print one big sign, and on it, explain what this candidate you are supporting is going to do for me. Make copies and go to all of the major intersections. I need information, not some 20 year old who probably has no idea who the candidate is waving frantically at me. Also, if you won, and even if you didn't, pick up your damn signs. I know littering and the environment were not part of your campaign promise, but it's still a nice thing to do. All in all, I have no idea if my vote made a difference. I don't even remember who I voted for. Let's just hope something happens, anything. On a more jovial note, I recently attended a chili party. A couple of good friends of mine Sharon and Chris (who throw the best parties, I might add) asked everyone to bring a chili. There were hot ones, mild ones, lamb ones, meat ones, veggie ones. Almost sounds like a Dr. Suess cookbook. We also were asked to bring whiskey. This sounds like a volatile combination, but if you've never tried it, I suggest you do. It seems the more whiskey you drink, the more chili you want to eat. I couldn't explain the physiology behind this, but your body will know what to do once you start. Anyway, I filled up my tummy on meaty goodness and went outside where two good sized campfires were burning. I couldn't help but think of that scene in "Blazing Saddles" where the cowboys are constantly farting as they chow down on beans. This wasn't happening of course, because the fire did not get bigger in shorts bursts. If it was happening, the whiskey made for a good olfactory buffer. At this campfire there was entertainment, a couple of dancers balanced fiery sticks while someone played seductive bongos. It was really quite neat. I thank them for their hospitality. Here is a quick chili recipe that used the mole sauce I used in a previous post . . .Here is what you need. 1 lb of lean pork cut into cubes 1 Cup fat free chicken broth 1 can 14.5 oz diced tomatoes undrained 1 can 15.0 oz black beans, rinsed and drained Mole sauce (see previous post) salt and pepper to taste chopped cilantro Combine all ingredient in the slow cooker with the exception of the salt, pepper and cilantro. Cook for 6-8 hours. Top with cilantro and add spices as needed. Sour cream also goes really well with this. Ok, now lets hit that mac and cheese recipe. Here are those ingredients . . . 3 cups of whole milk, I used 2%, it was fine. 1/3 cup of flour 1 cup of blue cheese 1 cup of goat cheese crumbles 1 cup of sharp cheddar .5 cup of parmesan (ok, as you can see, this is not for a lactose intolerant individual, and even if you have an iron digestive system, this will still give you the tummy rumbles.) 1 lb cooked ziti (or pick the pasta of your choice). Take the flour and milk and combine in a large bowl to get all of the lumps out before you toss it into the slow cooker. Add all the cheese with the exception of the parmesan, that is the dairy goodness that goes on top. Put the cheese mixture in the slow cooker, then add the cooked pasta. Sprinkle with parmesan and some parsley and cook on low for 3 hours.

Chicken Paillards with Red and Yellow Peppers and Kalamata Olives, Manners

November 1st, 2010 I can't believe that October is over. I can barely remember most of it with the exception of some rather key events. One of which is my wife breaking her leg in derby practice (which I am sure all of you are aware, I've never seen so many Facebook posts in my life), the other was our ensuing vacation where I got to experience a theme park from behind a wheelchair. You really begin to learn a lot about how rude people can be just by their reaction to you as you try to maneuver through a crowd. I think most people thought we were faking to get to the front of the line. Some seemed "putout" by our pleads for passage through meandering crowds, while there were others who liked to play chicken with us, moving out of the way just in the nick of time, while I try to prevent my beloved from careening downhill. Now don't get me wrong, it sounds as if I was miserable - this is not the case. I had an awesome vacation, and actually enjoyed pushing my wife around Epcot while tasting assorted goodies and consuming mass amounts of wine and beer. In fact, it seemed the more I drank, the better I got at pushing the wheelchair. Not once did I run over any one's foot, clip someone in the heel, or lose control and propel my wife into the China pavilion. But what was interesting was watching people's reaction as we rolled by. Most people we encountered were actually quite nice, especially when she wore her birthday pin. They would say "Happy Birthday," then exclaim "What did you do!?" I told Nandy she should make up something each time, like "Oh, I was mountain climbing in the Andes, when my goat bucked . . ." or "I was on my way to the animal shelter to deliver an injured sparrow when an out of control school bus full of blind, yet gifted, children came at me . . ." But she was honest, and while some seemed confused when she said roller derby, others were rather interested. In fact, we spent a considerable amount of time talking with people on their past injuries. "I broke my leg tripping over the dog." I sprained my wrist playing badminton with the Queen." "I got a hangnail in a Vietnamese prison camp." Ok, so I made the first one up. Of course, you can't go to a theme park filled with thousands of gawkers without finding a few assholes, even on the happiest place on earth. While I didn't nail anyone with the wheelchair, I did come close a few times. Once again, most treated it as no big deal, but there were some that gave me a look like "I swear if you hit me with that wheelchair, I will pummel you." Of course, they had no idea who was in the chair, and even on one leg my wife could throttle anyone in a Goofy t-shirt. When the crowds got bigger, I had to use some creative driving to get around. Oblivious tourists would cut in front of me and walk slower, not realizing that I was very close to severing their achilles. I had a couple of people beat me out for the elevator, stupid me didn't realize a race was afoot. We also had a family who used the companion bathroom, when it was obvious they didn't need it. Grandma apparently had to take a dump in complete privacy, too much Metamucil. Take a day, and put yourself in a wheelchair and try to get around with the help of your fellow man. You will find some decent people, but you also will find people who could just give a damn. Ok, enough of that. I have actually put my chefs hat on again and created a dish that was pretty darn good. It came from a cast iron pan cookbook - and I have to tell you, food cooked in a cast iron pan just tastes better, and cooks evenly. Go to a flea market, I guarantee you will find one, and look online as to how you are supposed to take care of it. You won't be sorry. Here are your ingredients: 2 boneless skinless chicken breast cut in half 3 Tbs extra virgin olive oil, will be divided 1 medium red bell pepper, seeds and ribs removed, cut into 1 inch strips 1 yellow bell pepper, same as above .25 cup of flour 1 tsp of salt .25 tsp of ground pepper 1 Tbs of salted butter 1/3 cup of kalamata olives, chopped 1 Tbs of capers, rinsed and drained 2 Tbs of lemon juice Chopped fresh parsley Here's the best part of the recipe - take the chicken and place into a plastic Ziploc bag. Now pound the crap out of it. Make sure the bag is sealed or you will have chicken all over the pets. You want the chicken to be about 3/8 of an inch thick. Warm 2 Tbs of olive oil in a cast iron skillet over medium heat. Add the peppers and cook for about 3 minutes stirring occasionally. Once done, put on a plate and set aside, cover with tin foil. In a flat dish, mix the flour, salt and pepper. Lightly coat the chicken in the mixture, and make sure you shake off the extra flour. Heat the butter and the last Tbs of olive oil over medium heat until the butter melts, add the chicken breasts and cook for 3 minutes a side. While the chicken is cooking, take the olives, capers and lemon juice and mix with the peppers while they are still warm. Once the chicken is done, place on a warm plate, top with the pepper mixture. Done. I added some rice and a veggie to complete the plate. I've got some more recipes ready to go. Slow cooked macaroni and cheese - mango lime grouper and I have to come up with a good chili recipe for a party this weekend. So the apron is back on and ready to rumble.